Piece of Awesome For The Day

One of my favorite from Black Sun Empire! It has a bit of a slow start, but if you can reach around 1:50, it starts to pick up in awesomeness!

Manlady Anthony and its Search for the Golden Rofl Waffle

Chapter 1: THE QUEST

Once upon a time there was a crippled man-lady named Anthony Martinez. Anthony was a very seldom lad... Rrr, I mean thing that shied away from society. At first sight, people may have thought it was a normal woman walking in front of them. "Excuse me ma'm, I've got to be going, may you move aside please?" they would say, only to be greeted by A HORRIFIC MAN FACE!

You see, Anthony's hair was as long as that of Cousin It from the Adam's Family. From behind, it clearly looks like a woman with a skinny stature, but once it turns around its a ginormous whale of putridity. Sight of such a beast causes most to feel like their eyes have melted and makes them puke out all their innards. 'Tis is foul beast that no one man or woman has ever dared go near on purpose. All, except one... but that is a story for a different day! Let's just say that one day Alex was walking through the forest when he found a boulder, so he grabbed it...

So anyways, Anthony was getting tired of not being one gender or the other. He hated being avoided by others and wanted change! For no reason at all, Anthony went for a walk to the park. Passer-by's would scream in utter horror as they ran away.

I hate this! Anthony thought to himself. SUDDENLY, a piece of paper slapped him in the face because it got windy as hell really fast. He removed the paper from his face and began to read it.

Hey queer-bucket! it read, It looks like no one likes you because you're a frikkin' manlady. But have I got a solution for you! I think that if you ROFL, you can actually get people to like you! Come on now! Don't waste time, try it!

The confused but desperate manlady gave a quick shrug and proceeded to lay on the ground with the paper clenched in his hand. Anthony rolled, but with no laughter. He laughed, but with no roll. Why couldn't he do both? It confused him even more. "Am I doomed to have this curse of being a manlady forever?!"

"Well, judging from how much your puny little brain can process, maybe. How can you not roll and laugh at the same time. You must be a bloody idiot!" came a voice with an odd British accent.

"What? Who are you? Where are you?" Anthony asked.

"I'm in your hand you twat! Now please let me go!" demanded whatever was in his hand. It was the paper, it talked!

"A-a-a-a talking paper?!" Anthony questioned, completely confused now.

"No, I'm your mummy, here to serve you some tea and crumpets... OF COURSE I'M A TALKING PAPER! Haven't you ever seen one?! Never mind that though, we need to find out why you can't ROFL. Oh wait, because your brain is as big as a damn jellybean!"

"P-please help me! I want to ROFL so everyone will like me! I'll do anything!" Anthony pleaded.

The paper looked interested in the offer... however that looks like on a paper... "Anything, huh? How 'bout you get me a million dollars and we'll call it a deal?"

"Of course! Anything!" So Anthony ran off to his house as paper floated behind him. He managed to find his parent's safe which contained one billion dollars. Grabbing the entire thing, he turned to the floating paper of magical trippiness and asked, "Is this enough?!"

"Why my boy, this is definitely enough!" the paper said, knowing that it was way more. Man, how stupid is this guy?

"So you'll help me now, right?" Anthony asked in excitement.

"Oh, but of course! Now, what we need to do is find the Golden Rofl Waffle." said the paper.

"The Golden Rofl Waffle?"

"Yes, he is the King Waffle of Rofling and he may grant you the power to Rofl. It is a very dangerous adventure and you might end up losing a-"

"ALRIGHT! LET'S GET SOME THEN!" Anthony interrupted.

The paper gave a facepalm (although I do not know how papers can facepalm but he just did) and sighed, "Oh, what mistake have I made just now?"

So Anthony started off on his adventure, having no clue where he was going... and paper followed right behind him, not bothering to interrupt his moment of happiness by telling him he was going the wrong way.

To be continued...

Horrible typist: Ronald Flores
Mastermind Idea: Christian Perez
Actors: Anthony Martinez, Paper
Event that will happen when read: Anthony will kick my ass.

Piece of Awesome For The Day

Here it is!

Psychopathy

Chapter 1: Losing It

I woke up, breathing deep as I came back into reality.

"Man, that was one hell of a nightmare..."

It had only been a day since the events at school and now it seems to be world-wide. In a matter of twenty-four hours, already world-wide. Things were bad, no, worse than bad.

I was all alone. No one here to socialize with, no one here to survive with. I'll be just fine on my own, I thought to myself. I knew it wouldn't work out though. This was definitely not my idea of "fun". I regret even wishing that such a terrible thing would happen to the world just to have "fun". Now look at me. Sitting here, in an unfamiliar house in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

The previous owners are downstairs. Face-flat on the ground as the lie in their own bloody mess. It was horrifying. Having to drive an every-day kitchen utensil to the skulls of a mother, father, and son. It made the day a whole lot worse. There was nothing else to do though.

I had to do it, I had to! It was either that or become one of them! Already sick and tired of this whole situation, I began to shed tears. Why... why did they take them away? If I had been there a little earlier I would be with them...

----

On the day that everything happened, the army decided to evacuate all surrounding locales. By the time I got back to my house, it was empty. In fact, the entire neighborhood was deserted of all life. Nothing but a couple of shamblers and chewed up corpses. I found a note sitting on our door mat.

It read:

Ronnie/Alannah,

If you are reading this then we are sorry we could not stay. We hope you are okay! Me and your father are being taken by the army to somewhere safe. Please please please watch over your sister Ronnie and stay safe. We'll come looking for you when the army tells us its okay to go!

Love, Mom and Dad!

I was in shock. Left behind... with... with these monstrosities... Could it get any worse? And Alannah... seems like she didn't make it either. At least, not with mom and dad. It was confusing. I didn't know where to go from here.

Turns out I ended up making my way North for no particular reason. It gave me somewhere to go and the roads would be familiar for a while.

Screams of horror filled the air as people were being chased or eaten by loved ones and strangers. Cars were ravaged with stains of blood and broken glass upon impact of one another.

I grew tired with all of this delirium. I decided to take shelter in a close by home. The door was wide open and a rancid stench ran through its airway. It was a stupid decision to go in, but at the time, I just wanted to rest on a nice comfy bed. Besides, I guess everyone has to go brainless sometime. I grabbed for the kitchen knife I had tied to my bag of items I salvaged from home and readied myself for anything that might pop up and eat me.

Sure enough, there they were. Three bodies in the living room, feasting on another. It seemed like a family meeting; mother, father, son, and daughter. Looks like the daughter didn't quite make it... It didn't take long for them to notice me as I was just standing there. They began to moan that cliche zombie moan. In movies it might have not done anything, but in real life it sent goosebumps right down my spine.

Alright, calm down. They are slow and you are fast. No way you'll let them bite you! I thought as I clenched even harder on the knife handle. Father was the first to reach me and with a quick jab at the torso, he stumbled back. Ha! I did it! It was as if I had lost my mind already. Wait... Aim for the head dumb ass! Father proceeded to get back up and try again. This time, all three of them were able to reach me. I pushed Son back to avoid more weight of conflict than I could handle and stabbed Mother through one of her eyes. Father grabbed hold of my arm and forced it towards his mouth for a nice clean bite.

"NO!" I screamed in utter fear. I immediately unsheathed the knife from Mother's head and straight up the mouth of Father. "I WILL NOT BECOME ONE OF YOU!" I yelled as Son attempted to get back up. I lunged towards him to stop him before he got the chance and hit him right on a the temple.

Tired and scared, I fell to the ground, sitting. Those people... they used to be like me. I killed them. I killed them. But... they tried to kill me...

"I can't take this anymore..." I said with a shaky voice. I looked at my blood-drenched hands and seemed to have not cared. Shower... maybe that will calm me down...

----

Cheer up, huh? You're safe for now. Go have fun! I thought, trying to relieve myself of the troubles around. And so I did, or at least tried.

"I wonder what they have for breakfast! Other than human flesh... Ha ha."

I took cautious steps down the stairs, peering over to make sure no one new was in the house with me. Everything seemed to be in order, three bodies on the floor just as I left them. I went into the next room which appeared to be the kitchen. Apart from the living room, the kitchen was way cleaner and shiny. It felt like home. They even had a mini-tv mounted on the counter.

"I hope the news is still on." I told myself as I turned on the tv. Most of the channels were just static with the usual kshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I was able to only find one channel working normally and, thankfully, it was Fox... again. Reports were coming in through a four-way split-screen of people placed in different parts of Chula Vista and San Diego.

As the reporters babbled on, I found the fridge. It was nice that power was still working so the food wouldn't go bad on me, but there was only one problem. Seemed like this family was full of vegans. Ironic that they became flesh-eaters... I smiled. Nothing but tofu and salads.

I tried the freezer and found something way more satisfying. "Nooooooo way!!! Is that... No, my mind is playing tricks on me... can't be..." Maybe there was still some happiness in the world for me. "IT IS!!! PIE!!!" I quickly grabbed it and opened its box. Even better! Dutch Apple Pie! I thought in extreme excitement.

I am a really big fan of pie. In fact, last year I had a birthday pie as I despise the taste of cake. Frosting is just too much for me. That's why pie is the ultimate taste for my taste buds. It's just so delicious! I don't think there is a pie out there that I haven't tried that I hate.

I continued to pop it in the microwave and set it to defrost. My mouth was already watering, tasting the pre-savory taste!

As I wait there in anticipation for the 4-minute timer to ding, I decided to turn my attention to the news.

"-for all those people surviving out there and staying in homes of the infected, make sure you have completely rid the area of the living dead. Do not lose track of them because it may mean that they could still be alive. Make sure to keep a body count so that no discrepancies will over throw you."

Sounds likes a good idea, I should be fine right now though. I went and checked the living room to find the three bodies still in the same position as they were yesterday. Yep, Father, Mother, and Son, that makes three... But something disturbed me... again, goosebumps crawled up my back. Wait... what about Daughter, she... she isn't here anymore! It's like bad timing in a video game! Someone announces it and then it happens! Where could she have gone?! My sense of alertness rose.

I headed back into the kitchen and looked for another kitchen knife as mine was upstairs. I was able to find one closely related to a butcher knife. It made me grin a bit as I played the 'Zelda Item Found Theme' in my head after pulling it out of the drawer. Too much like a video game...

It was clear that the entire downstairs was safe, but what about upstairs? I would have to go up eventually. I left my bag up there! I braced myself for anything as I slowly crept up the stairs. I got to the top and turned towards the room I had slept in. Right away, I heard moans from behind me.

"AH!" I leapt up and turned around, holding my knife out. Nothing was there. Nothing was there until I noticed that it was crawling on the floor, with only an upper body. Out of all the things, WHY a crawler? I HATE crawlers. Crawlers freak me out to the point of jumping out of my skin. It's just plain creepy. I let out a sigh of breath and said, "Time to go meet your family, yah?" and drove down the knife. Blood spurted out like a fountain for a second or two. Hmph... looks like a fountain of kool-aid!

*Ding!* "Huh? Oh hey! The pie's done!" I said, as if completely forgetting about what happened. I should probably get my bag before I head down...

After retrieving my bag, I made my way downstairs and treated myself to some "breakfast". I guess I could get used to this after all...

Online Portfolio

So, this past year I've been taking Web Design and we put all our projects on our portfolio page through Dreamweaver. Check mine out and tell me what you think... Wait, who am I talking to? No one views this page... Whatever, I gain self-satisfaction out of it...

http://ronaldflores.zxq.net/portfolio/

Back Again...

So it's been ALMOST a year since I've started up this already dead blog and I feel like typing up more things. I've been bored lately... well, aside from track and FFXIII, so I've decided to just type ultimate randomness in this blog that no one will ever see... Oh what fun!