Piece of Awesome For The Day

One of my favorite from Black Sun Empire! It has a bit of a slow start, but if you can reach around 1:50, it starts to pick up in awesomeness!

Manlady Anthony and its Search for the Golden Rofl Waffle

Chapter 1: THE QUEST

Once upon a time there was a crippled man-lady named Anthony Martinez. Anthony was a very seldom lad... Rrr, I mean thing that shied away from society. At first sight, people may have thought it was a normal woman walking in front of them. "Excuse me ma'm, I've got to be going, may you move aside please?" they would say, only to be greeted by A HORRIFIC MAN FACE!

You see, Anthony's hair was as long as that of Cousin It from the Adam's Family. From behind, it clearly looks like a woman with a skinny stature, but once it turns around its a ginormous whale of putridity. Sight of such a beast causes most to feel like their eyes have melted and makes them puke out all their innards. 'Tis is foul beast that no one man or woman has ever dared go near on purpose. All, except one... but that is a story for a different day! Let's just say that one day Alex was walking through the forest when he found a boulder, so he grabbed it...

So anyways, Anthony was getting tired of not being one gender or the other. He hated being avoided by others and wanted change! For no reason at all, Anthony went for a walk to the park. Passer-by's would scream in utter horror as they ran away.

I hate this! Anthony thought to himself. SUDDENLY, a piece of paper slapped him in the face because it got windy as hell really fast. He removed the paper from his face and began to read it.

Hey queer-bucket! it read, It looks like no one likes you because you're a frikkin' manlady. But have I got a solution for you! I think that if you ROFL, you can actually get people to like you! Come on now! Don't waste time, try it!

The confused but desperate manlady gave a quick shrug and proceeded to lay on the ground with the paper clenched in his hand. Anthony rolled, but with no laughter. He laughed, but with no roll. Why couldn't he do both? It confused him even more. "Am I doomed to have this curse of being a manlady forever?!"

"Well, judging from how much your puny little brain can process, maybe. How can you not roll and laugh at the same time. You must be a bloody idiot!" came a voice with an odd British accent.

"What? Who are you? Where are you?" Anthony asked.

"I'm in your hand you twat! Now please let me go!" demanded whatever was in his hand. It was the paper, it talked!

"A-a-a-a talking paper?!" Anthony questioned, completely confused now.

"No, I'm your mummy, here to serve you some tea and crumpets... OF COURSE I'M A TALKING PAPER! Haven't you ever seen one?! Never mind that though, we need to find out why you can't ROFL. Oh wait, because your brain is as big as a damn jellybean!"

"P-please help me! I want to ROFL so everyone will like me! I'll do anything!" Anthony pleaded.

The paper looked interested in the offer... however that looks like on a paper... "Anything, huh? How 'bout you get me a million dollars and we'll call it a deal?"

"Of course! Anything!" So Anthony ran off to his house as paper floated behind him. He managed to find his parent's safe which contained one billion dollars. Grabbing the entire thing, he turned to the floating paper of magical trippiness and asked, "Is this enough?!"

"Why my boy, this is definitely enough!" the paper said, knowing that it was way more. Man, how stupid is this guy?

"So you'll help me now, right?" Anthony asked in excitement.

"Oh, but of course! Now, what we need to do is find the Golden Rofl Waffle." said the paper.

"The Golden Rofl Waffle?"

"Yes, he is the King Waffle of Rofling and he may grant you the power to Rofl. It is a very dangerous adventure and you might end up losing a-"

"ALRIGHT! LET'S GET SOME THEN!" Anthony interrupted.

The paper gave a facepalm (although I do not know how papers can facepalm but he just did) and sighed, "Oh, what mistake have I made just now?"

So Anthony started off on his adventure, having no clue where he was going... and paper followed right behind him, not bothering to interrupt his moment of happiness by telling him he was going the wrong way.

To be continued...

Horrible typist: Ronald Flores
Mastermind Idea: Christian Perez
Actors: Anthony Martinez, Paper
Event that will happen when read: Anthony will kick my ass.

Piece of Awesome For The Day

Here it is!

Psychopathy

Chapter 1: Losing It

I woke up, breathing deep as I came back into reality.

"Man, that was one hell of a nightmare..."

It had only been a day since the events at school and now it seems to be world-wide. In a matter of twenty-four hours, already world-wide. Things were bad, no, worse than bad.

I was all alone. No one here to socialize with, no one here to survive with. I'll be just fine on my own, I thought to myself. I knew it wouldn't work out though. This was definitely not my idea of "fun". I regret even wishing that such a terrible thing would happen to the world just to have "fun". Now look at me. Sitting here, in an unfamiliar house in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

The previous owners are downstairs. Face-flat on the ground as the lie in their own bloody mess. It was horrifying. Having to drive an every-day kitchen utensil to the skulls of a mother, father, and son. It made the day a whole lot worse. There was nothing else to do though.

I had to do it, I had to! It was either that or become one of them! Already sick and tired of this whole situation, I began to shed tears. Why... why did they take them away? If I had been there a little earlier I would be with them...

----

On the day that everything happened, the army decided to evacuate all surrounding locales. By the time I got back to my house, it was empty. In fact, the entire neighborhood was deserted of all life. Nothing but a couple of shamblers and chewed up corpses. I found a note sitting on our door mat.

It read:

Ronnie/Alannah,

If you are reading this then we are sorry we could not stay. We hope you are okay! Me and your father are being taken by the army to somewhere safe. Please please please watch over your sister Ronnie and stay safe. We'll come looking for you when the army tells us its okay to go!

Love, Mom and Dad!

I was in shock. Left behind... with... with these monstrosities... Could it get any worse? And Alannah... seems like she didn't make it either. At least, not with mom and dad. It was confusing. I didn't know where to go from here.

Turns out I ended up making my way North for no particular reason. It gave me somewhere to go and the roads would be familiar for a while.

Screams of horror filled the air as people were being chased or eaten by loved ones and strangers. Cars were ravaged with stains of blood and broken glass upon impact of one another.

I grew tired with all of this delirium. I decided to take shelter in a close by home. The door was wide open and a rancid stench ran through its airway. It was a stupid decision to go in, but at the time, I just wanted to rest on a nice comfy bed. Besides, I guess everyone has to go brainless sometime. I grabbed for the kitchen knife I had tied to my bag of items I salvaged from home and readied myself for anything that might pop up and eat me.

Sure enough, there they were. Three bodies in the living room, feasting on another. It seemed like a family meeting; mother, father, son, and daughter. Looks like the daughter didn't quite make it... It didn't take long for them to notice me as I was just standing there. They began to moan that cliche zombie moan. In movies it might have not done anything, but in real life it sent goosebumps right down my spine.

Alright, calm down. They are slow and you are fast. No way you'll let them bite you! I thought as I clenched even harder on the knife handle. Father was the first to reach me and with a quick jab at the torso, he stumbled back. Ha! I did it! It was as if I had lost my mind already. Wait... Aim for the head dumb ass! Father proceeded to get back up and try again. This time, all three of them were able to reach me. I pushed Son back to avoid more weight of conflict than I could handle and stabbed Mother through one of her eyes. Father grabbed hold of my arm and forced it towards his mouth for a nice clean bite.

"NO!" I screamed in utter fear. I immediately unsheathed the knife from Mother's head and straight up the mouth of Father. "I WILL NOT BECOME ONE OF YOU!" I yelled as Son attempted to get back up. I lunged towards him to stop him before he got the chance and hit him right on a the temple.

Tired and scared, I fell to the ground, sitting. Those people... they used to be like me. I killed them. I killed them. But... they tried to kill me...

"I can't take this anymore..." I said with a shaky voice. I looked at my blood-drenched hands and seemed to have not cared. Shower... maybe that will calm me down...

----

Cheer up, huh? You're safe for now. Go have fun! I thought, trying to relieve myself of the troubles around. And so I did, or at least tried.

"I wonder what they have for breakfast! Other than human flesh... Ha ha."

I took cautious steps down the stairs, peering over to make sure no one new was in the house with me. Everything seemed to be in order, three bodies on the floor just as I left them. I went into the next room which appeared to be the kitchen. Apart from the living room, the kitchen was way cleaner and shiny. It felt like home. They even had a mini-tv mounted on the counter.

"I hope the news is still on." I told myself as I turned on the tv. Most of the channels were just static with the usual kshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I was able to only find one channel working normally and, thankfully, it was Fox... again. Reports were coming in through a four-way split-screen of people placed in different parts of Chula Vista and San Diego.

As the reporters babbled on, I found the fridge. It was nice that power was still working so the food wouldn't go bad on me, but there was only one problem. Seemed like this family was full of vegans. Ironic that they became flesh-eaters... I smiled. Nothing but tofu and salads.

I tried the freezer and found something way more satisfying. "Nooooooo way!!! Is that... No, my mind is playing tricks on me... can't be..." Maybe there was still some happiness in the world for me. "IT IS!!! PIE!!!" I quickly grabbed it and opened its box. Even better! Dutch Apple Pie! I thought in extreme excitement.

I am a really big fan of pie. In fact, last year I had a birthday pie as I despise the taste of cake. Frosting is just too much for me. That's why pie is the ultimate taste for my taste buds. It's just so delicious! I don't think there is a pie out there that I haven't tried that I hate.

I continued to pop it in the microwave and set it to defrost. My mouth was already watering, tasting the pre-savory taste!

As I wait there in anticipation for the 4-minute timer to ding, I decided to turn my attention to the news.

"-for all those people surviving out there and staying in homes of the infected, make sure you have completely rid the area of the living dead. Do not lose track of them because it may mean that they could still be alive. Make sure to keep a body count so that no discrepancies will over throw you."

Sounds likes a good idea, I should be fine right now though. I went and checked the living room to find the three bodies still in the same position as they were yesterday. Yep, Father, Mother, and Son, that makes three... But something disturbed me... again, goosebumps crawled up my back. Wait... what about Daughter, she... she isn't here anymore! It's like bad timing in a video game! Someone announces it and then it happens! Where could she have gone?! My sense of alertness rose.

I headed back into the kitchen and looked for another kitchen knife as mine was upstairs. I was able to find one closely related to a butcher knife. It made me grin a bit as I played the 'Zelda Item Found Theme' in my head after pulling it out of the drawer. Too much like a video game...

It was clear that the entire downstairs was safe, but what about upstairs? I would have to go up eventually. I left my bag up there! I braced myself for anything as I slowly crept up the stairs. I got to the top and turned towards the room I had slept in. Right away, I heard moans from behind me.

"AH!" I leapt up and turned around, holding my knife out. Nothing was there. Nothing was there until I noticed that it was crawling on the floor, with only an upper body. Out of all the things, WHY a crawler? I HATE crawlers. Crawlers freak me out to the point of jumping out of my skin. It's just plain creepy. I let out a sigh of breath and said, "Time to go meet your family, yah?" and drove down the knife. Blood spurted out like a fountain for a second or two. Hmph... looks like a fountain of kool-aid!

*Ding!* "Huh? Oh hey! The pie's done!" I said, as if completely forgetting about what happened. I should probably get my bag before I head down...

After retrieving my bag, I made my way downstairs and treated myself to some "breakfast". I guess I could get used to this after all...

Online Portfolio

So, this past year I've been taking Web Design and we put all our projects on our portfolio page through Dreamweaver. Check mine out and tell me what you think... Wait, who am I talking to? No one views this page... Whatever, I gain self-satisfaction out of it...

http://ronaldflores.zxq.net/portfolio/

Back Again...

So it's been ALMOST a year since I've started up this already dead blog and I feel like typing up more things. I've been bored lately... well, aside from track and FFXIII, so I've decided to just type ultimate randomness in this blog that no one will ever see... Oh what fun!

Psychopathy

Prologue

It was July 20, 2009 when it all started. The first day of school and my first day as a senior. People were getting their new classes and freshmen were getting used to their new environment. Returning students finding their friends and hanging out in the same spots they hung out in last year. Nothing really changed, even this new feeling as a senior. I was able to find my friends Bazz, Carlo, Taylor, and Erick. I would go into detail, but they won't be so important. Just your average crazy group of irregular people.

The clock hit 12:10 and the bell gave a ring announcing it was time for lunch. I met up with my group and we waited in our usual line at the usual spot for the usual food that we bought every single day last year. It never got old.

After purchasing our semi-moderate cafeteria food from the stand, we began our walk, as always. Our group is probably the most nomadic out of all the groups at school, we never stay in one spot for too long. Every now and then we'll see a friend as we pass by and yell at each other in playful craziness.

"So Ronald, you heard about that new flu that's going around?" Erick said, cutting the silence.

I answered back, boringly, "Yeah, yeah. I'm not so hyped about it this time. I mean the swine flu was supposed to start a zombie apocalypse and stuff... even though it might have not been possible... Still, I'm not gonna go all 'zombie theory' on this one."

Carlo, with a mouthful of low-fat hot cheetos added in, "Ha ha, I remember that!" *crunch crunch crunch* "You were so excited about the" *crunch* "swine flu turning people into zombies." *gulp* "I told you nothing was going to happen! It's just like the normal flu..."

"... Whatever... It could've been possible... You know how much I want a zomb-"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

A scream came from somewhere on campus. But we chose to ignore it. Other people around us began running in the direction of the scream, hoping to catch sight of a fight.

Bazz chuckled. "Oh hey Ronald! Maybe it's a-"

"Shut up fat man... you just keep eating your chicken sandwich." I replied.

"Y-you're just jealous..." Bazz inquired. "Hey Taylor, you're not talking as much as you usually do, something wrong?"

"Huh?" Taylor looked up from the ground as if he just came back from a different land. "Oh, yeah... no, nothing's wrong. Just kinda standing here listening. Why?"

Minutes passed by and our conversations somehow ended up on the subject of bunnies ruling the world. I began to take notice to a crowd not too distant from us. A pretty large crowd with people huddling and trying to look over each others' shoulders to get a view on the situation.

My curiosity got to me and without saying anything, I turned our group into the direction of the crowd. We were stopped by Tyler (white man) who just left the crowd after spotting us.

"Dude, some crazy shit's goin' on right now. Some crazy bitch just took a fuckin' bite out of one of the teachers! Freaked the shit out of me!"

I stopped him there, "Wait a second, what? Slow down, what's going on?"

Tyler began again, "Well this girl had a seizure and some teacher came over to help her to the office. But then she like woke up and just bit the fuck out of the teacher's neck man! There's some people over there restraining her and I think the teacher just bled to death!"

No way, I thought, this... is... actually happening? There's only one way to find out!

I ran towards the crowd, hoping that it was indeed, real.

"Wait, Ronald! What the hell are you - Ah, God dammit!" Bazz shouted.

I reached the back of the crowd and forced myself towards the front. People cussing and questioning the situation. Man did you see that? That bitch is crazy! What the fuck was that?! That's all I could hear from the bystanders. I finally made it to the front and found three guys holding down a girl whose mouth was lathered in dry crimson and a woman lying on the ground with blood oozing from the left side of her neck.

It wasn't long before the crowd had been broken up by the Assistant Principals. They came in and told everyone to back away and make room for them. We were then confronted by staff security who kept us away from getting any closer to the situation. One of the APs pulled out their walkie-talkie and started to talk through it. I couldn't make out the words that were going through, but it caused something we don't usually use at our school.

The intercom came on. "Attention all students, you are to report to the nearest classroom. We are having a lockdown. Please report to the nearest classroom. This is not a drill. We are having a lockdown."

I met up with the others and they were just as shocked as I was when they saw what was there before them. I told you so! I thought, but held back the words.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go to a classroom! See ya!" Bazz creeped away and we followed.

We found a classroom with a ton of people we didn't recognize, just socializing in giddy fright. Somewhere along the way Tyler broke off and went to a different classroom, probably one with people he knew. I was still kind of shocked. I mean, I didn't actually see the teacher "reanimate" and attack someone else, but why would that student just bite her? Sething tells me this could possibly be that situation.

Taylor had to break the silence between us. "So, why would we have a lockdown if it's just one student who is already being restrained? I mean it's not that bad."

No one said anything and we were quiet once again. The only noise was the chit chat between the other students in our room and the newscaster on the television. Our school was on almost every news channel as the teacher switched through the channels and stopping on Fox 6 news.

"-situation at Otay Ranch High School in Chula Vista. There has been an assault on a teacher by a student who had been carried after having a seizure. Staff members suspect that it could have been a violent reaction caused by the seizure and ended up with the displacement of the teacher's neck. Yes, the student actually took a bite out of the teacher's neck, causing her to choke to death. We were informed that other students jumped in to help restrain the female as others went to the Assistant Principals for help. I think we have a helicopt-"

I tuned out and began to think again. I remember coming up with a plan almost two years ago. Back when I was a super zombie fanatic with my friend Patrick who moved to Texas after the school year ended.

"-at's this? This can't be possible!" The helicopter reporter exclaimed in unbelievable excitement. "Zoom in over there! Yah! Over there! It looks like the teacher who was presumed dead is sitting up now! Oh my god! She's getting up on her feet! Amazing! After an injury like that you'd think she'd be dead!"

I got the goose bumps as I averted my eyes back to the tv. Holy shit, no way! I tuned the reporter's voice out and focused only on the footage. The teacher was standing up, her head tilted and neck bleeding still. She seemed to lunge towards one of the APs there. Sure enough, her mouth latched onto the victim, tearing a chunk so large out of the body that it was visible from the helicopter's camera.

"What the FUCK?!" the teacher yelled in confusion.

The camera focused in on cop cars rushing in and quickly parking their cars in a barricaded fashion. Cops opened up and pulled out their guns, shouting and telling her to stop. But she didn't and continued to attack those around her. The three students restraining the girl made a break for it. She in turn got up and chased for them in a sluggish motion.

"We will be forced to fire if you do not stay way you are!" Announced a cop. "You have five seconds! One... Two... Three-"

Due to the usual young-adult girl panic, a female student made a run for it out of the classroom. She made it on camera which caused influence to other people in the other classrooms. And chain reaction set off. Class after class emptied out in panic. Students ran with no sense of direction towards exits or their cars.

"Dammit!" The cop turned to his partners. "We can't shoot until we clear this out!" He turned back to the panicing mess. "Please calm down! We need to have stability!" But no one listened.

I was still in the class, zoned out when Bazz came up to me. "Dude! Come on! We have to get going! To the library, right? That was part of your 'zombie plan'."

"Right... the library..." I replied lamely. I was sick to my stomach. I thought this would be fun, but now I'm scared shitless. Damn it, what the hell...

I ran out the room, following Bazz and Carlo. "Hey, where's Erick and Taylor?" I asked.

"They went ahead and made sure the library was okay, we'll meet them there." Carlo replied steadily.

We continued on and I took notice to a certain section of the paniced crowd. Students bloodied up on the ground and two female bodies reaching for passerbies to satisfy their hunger. I'm happy they're the shamblers and not the sprinters... I thought to myself as if trying to find some relief in all of this.

Bazz and Carlo made it to the library first, pulling out their cell phones and started making calls. My guess was friends and siblings that went to this school. I made my way over to Taylor who seemed to have an expressionless face. Something wasn't right, and I think I knew what it was...

"Hey Taylor... where's Erick?" I asked, already assuming the answer.

"Sh-she... grabbed him and... he... bitten... I couldn't do anything!" Taylor cried out.

"Shit! Fuckin' Erick, stupid ass!" Bazz interrupted, overhearing Taylor.

There was nothing we could do, so I put that aside. Fuck, already lost someone? Who's next? I pulled out my cell phone and began making calls too.

We rounded up a number of people, none with any bites and decided over a destination to go to. Everyone wanted to go home and see their parents, but that wasn't and option as the roads were blocked off by the authorities. The votes led up to one place, my house. It was the closest and easiest to walk to and the zombies probably haven't gotten out of the school yet. Unless, of course, we weren't the only ones to experience this dilema.

"Alright, it's settled, we'll go to my house. Bazz, Taylor, Carlo, you guys lead them out the back door, I have to check something."

"What the hell man, if you die, we all die. You're the man with the plan... man..." Bazz complained.

"I know, I'll be careful. I'm not a stupid as Erick... god damn Erick... Alright," I motioned to grab the attention of our group of people (about fifteen or so, I was surprised we were able to reach so many), "on the way to my house, make sure you call your family and let them know what is going on and where you are. Let them know you are okay and that you will be okay. Now go!"

They left through the back door and I left through the front.

Whoa... All hell had broken loose so fast. The shambling corpses were able to overtake the cops in such little time. Blood drenched the windows of the cars and the ground itself. Students, cops, staff members, all walking around for something fresh. Some were huddled over in a group consuming copius amount of flesh like a hungry fat ass being treated to a free for all buffet.

My attention was then focused towards the cop cars. Surely there had to be a shotgun or pistol left inside one of them, right? Well I knew it wasn't going to be easy with all this commotion going on. I chose the car furthest away from those brainless bodies and ran for it. I opened up the passenger side and scrambled as fast as I could, going through the contents of the car. I looked up to see what was around me. Three bodies made their shuffle towards my direction. Shit, I better hurry! ...Aha! I found a standard cop pistol. I don't know the technical terms like 9mm or 12mm or whatever those gun experts say, but it was a pistol none the less. I found ammo where it lay and stuffed them into my pocket. I've got 4 clips, awesome!

As I reached for the door handle, one of them popped up at the window. "HOLY SHIT!" My heart leapt. I looked back up at the zombie as he scratched at the window. "No way... god damn it, why the hell does it have to be you?" It was Erick, his cheek had a gaping hole in it and a chunk of his shoulder was missing.

Alright, One... Two... Three!!! I open the door, pushing dead-Erick away and made a run for it. Wait a second, I can't just leave him like that... "Gah, I hate you Erick..." I turned around and aimed the pistol at him, trying to aim for the head. I center it and... click! ...What the hell? ...click! click! click!

The safety was on. "Stupid ass safety!" I told myself.

I found the safety switch and turned it off, "All right, now I can shoot!" I take aim again and bam! Right through the left eye socket. His body immediately stopped and he fell on his knees and then face flat on the ground, bleeding a pool onto the pavement. Huh, I guess all those shooting games paid off. Or I just got lucky. Either way, it worked. And with that, I turned and ran home, thinking about how the rest of life would be from here on out.